• me: i wish someone liked me
• someone: [likes me]
• me: i must fake my death and lie low for ten years

• me, jumping from one emotional extreme to another: parkour

xiexiecaptain:

If Jessica Jones can wear the same pair if jeans everyday then I don’t see why I can’t

polisical:

so, like, a horror game where the only light in the entire game is from the protagonist’s light up sneakers

spork:

bullied:

my favorite part of the day is when i get to go to bed

elliebeanz:

me crossing the street on a bad day: ohhh nooo ;) please, car, don’t hit me ;)))

vintagebattlestar:

i’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” in the common vernacular because i don’t have any money but i do have Fists and am always angry

• me: can you tuck me in
• them: ??? you handed me a shovel
• me: yeah just spread the dirt over me as evenly as you can thanks

You’ve really gotta hand it to short people

dipschtick:

because they usually can’t reach it anyways.